Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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