9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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