Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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