It's like God shit irony all over that family
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
