How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
