She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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