I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize