cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
