I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
