Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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