Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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