Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
