I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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