If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
