dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I am naked and annoyed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
