I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize