fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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