playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
