he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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