do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
