we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I've blown a few things in my day
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
