just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize