after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
