The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
