So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
