Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She just used a chaser for red wine.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
