yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
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