I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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