there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I want to be your penis for a week.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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