Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
