I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
