Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You need a sexual gate keeper
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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