She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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