I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
