Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the day after is always just damage control
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
