I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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