So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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