It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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