i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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