we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
