my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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