My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
