There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
