Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
this must be what syphilis tastes like
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize