Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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