You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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