Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
