He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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