It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just invented taco cereal.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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