I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
ttyl tear gas
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
