i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
