He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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