I think I died a long time ago.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize