i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
someone threw a dead crab at me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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