Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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