Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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