Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
