it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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