Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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