Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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