Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
