you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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