He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
