I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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