I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
