No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
