My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
