I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
