End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize