I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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