After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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