I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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