if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
