Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
