SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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