How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just took my morning after pill in the library
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
