It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
