Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize