I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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