Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
