His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
