dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
