Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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