My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
