I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
