wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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