their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
