she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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